To Saai Vallei
by Lucesco
Summary: My entry for the SweetestIrony contest. Videl and Gohan are going to the most horrible holiday destination imaginable. Even the Lonely Planet can't save them from boredom. How will they survive the week? Warning: suggestions


A/N: This is my entry for the SweetestIrony contest. I wasn't going to enter, but the challenge is really a challenge. Writing about Gohan and Videl going on vacation is something I never thought of. Tried to be original, but judge for yourself. By the way, I had to giggle writing this, hope you will too.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Niets, nada, noppes.

Note: Somewhere in this story I hid a brilliant line from Little Britain. Love that show.

* * *

"I think they call it a shithole."

"Videl."

"I'm telling you, it's a shithole."

"It's not a shithole."

"Everyone thinks it's a shithole."

"You haven't even seen it."

"I don't have to, the Lonely Planet says enough."

"Can't we just make the best of it?"

Videl closed her Lonely Planet edition and looked at Gohan with a scowl on her face. She had been in the worst mood ever since they boarded the plane to Saai Vallei, a name she couldn't even pronounce.

"It's unfair." She muttered.

"At least we're going somewhere." He replied as he took a sip from his coffee. He pulled a sour face when he tasted it.

"See…" Videl said, "…the coffee is just as horrible as the place we're going. I mean, what was my dad thinking, sending us to some shithole in the middle of nowhere? I wouldn't want to be found dead in that touristic graveyard."

"I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is. A lot of people are going there."

"Yeah, and you know what they do? They visit churches. It's a church town. Everyone visits churches. It's summer and people visit churches. Do you want to visit churches in the middle of the friggin' summer?"

"Churches can be nice."

"Are you a friggin' tourist or something? Churches are nice when they're closed."

"We can do something else."

"Something other than visiting churches? The Lonely Planet only mentions churches. Apparently there's nothing you can do but visit churches."

"And museums?"

She looked at him with an expression as if he just said human blood makes a great ingredient for a cocktail.

"Museums?" She repeated as if it was a dirty word. "You're going on vacation and you want to visit _museums_?"

Gohan shrugged. He obviously wasn't aware of the fact that Videl was not a museum go-er. Nor did she want to see churches. What she wanted was a holiday in the sun. She wanted to do all the thing people do when they're on holiday. Lying on the beach, scuba diving, surfing, swimming with dolphins, eating ice cream, strolling over the boulevards, making boat trips, going out in the evening… And what could you do in Saai Vallei? Visit churches. Maybe a museum here or there. And on top of that, it drizzled 365 days a year in Saai Vallei. Who, in a clear state of mind, would want to go to a place like that to enjoy his holiday?

She made a mental note that she had to bite off her father's head after this week, which inevitably was going to be dramatic.

They got off the plane. Their first impression of the town was that it wasn't as bad as Videl pictured it to be.

It was worse.

The town was old and dirty. The weather was wet and dirty. The people were moody. There were tourists everywhere with the Lonely Planet in their hands and ohh-ing and ahh-ing with every building they saw. Probably the reason why all the people were so moody, damn tourists. Videl was ready to pull the hairs from her head, Gohan tried to cheer her up with his positivity, achieving only to make her feel more miserable than she already was.

They got to their hotel. Hercule had arranged that much. The receptionist was rude and declared without any sign of helpfulness that Videl's room was double-booked.

"What?!" Videl yelled.

"Your room is double-booked. Our apologies." The receptionist repeated in a dull voice and with an expression as if it was Videl's own fault.

"Don't you have another room for me?" She asked, trying to sound polite, but at the verge of exploding. Gohan took her hand and squeezed it a little, as if telling her to calm down.

The receptionist sighed. "I'll see what I can do." And with exaggeratedly slow movements she checked the computer.

Gohan leaned towards Videl. "Just relax, okay?" He whispered in her ear.

"How can I relax when that stupid cow can't do her job properly?" She replied in a hiss.

"It's no big deal. We'll find something, alright?"

Right then the receptionist looked at Videl again.

"Computer says no." She said monotonously.

If it wasn't for Gohan stopping her, Videl would have attacked the receptionist and scratch her face off. With Videl struggling to stay calm, Gohan took the key to his room and they made their way upstairs.

The room was… ugly. It made a graveyard look like Disneyland. The furniture was old and shabby, a muggy smell hang in the air, the sheets and the curtains looked like they hadn't been washed for ages and the large window offered a view on the miserable city. How the hotel managed to have all their rooms booked, and Videl's doubly, was a mystery to them, but at least they had somewhere to sleep.

They both looked at the bed and realized something they hadn't thought of before.

"Are we sharing a bed?" Videl asked, even though the answer was obvious.

Gohan's face instantly turned crimson. "I can sleep on the floor, if you want. It's no problem, if you're uncomfortable with-eh… eh…the couch-eh I mean the bed… with me?"

Videl looked at her boyfriend's red face. All of a sudden, she got an idea. An idea that made her stomach flutter and her body shock with excitement just thinking of it.

"No, that's alright." She said with a smile, her first smile of the day. She turned her back to Gohan and walked towards the old armchair in the corner of the room. Much to Gohan's utter embarrassment, Videl grabbed the bottom of her shirt, which was soaked by the drizzle, and pulled it over her head, throwing it over the back of the chair with one fluid movement, conscious that Gohan was looking. There she was standing, in her bra, and her boyfriend, despite his embarrassment, could not tear his eyes off the sight before him.

"I hope you don't mind." Videl said, peeking at Gohan over her shoulder. "I don't want to catch a cold."

He shook his head.

"No, no I don't." He spoke quickly in a high pitched voice. He followed Videl with his eyes, who made her way to the large mirror on the wall and released her wet hair from her pony tail. The hair fell over her almost naked back smoothly. Gohan began to sweat as his girlfriend ran her hands through her hair.

"So do you want to eat out or do you want to call room service?" Videl asked.

"Room service." Gohan barely managed to utter. "That is, if-eh you don't mind."

She turned her face to Gohan and smiled. "I don't." She walked towards him, swaying her hips purposely.

"You know, you're right about making the best of this." She said, putting her arms around his waist like she had done so many times before… Only now, she was shirtless. When she pressed her chest against his she could feel his body react instantly. The bands of sweat stood on his forehead and his breathing quickened. He was watching down on her with an embarrassed expression. She ignored it for the sake of the game.

"Perhaps we can make this a very… exciting holiday." The suggestion in her remark couldn't be missed. Gohan swallowed deeply.

"What's the matter, you're all red. Are you hot?" She asked with feigned innocence.

"No, no…I-It's just the muggy smell." Gohan stammered.

"But your whole body is hot." Her hand brushed his arm and his neck. He had to suppress a moan.

"Let's get you our of these wet clothes." And without waiting for Gohan's reaction, she took the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head, making more contact with his body than necessary.

"There." She said. "Doesn't that feel better?"

Her stomach was pressed to his. He felt her breasts against his chest. Her hands were brushing his back. She was looking at him with smouldering eyes, licking her lips as she never broke the intense eye-contact.

"Yes, much better." He said, before he put his arms around her and kissed lips passionately.

* * *

"Sir, you received a message from Miss Satan while you were absent."

"Thank you, James."

Hercule read the message his daughter left him with satisfaction. _We arrived safely this afternoon. __Saai Vallei is very interesting. __The hotel is beyond anything we ever expected. The weather is like you said it would be. Tomorrow we're going to visit some churches. Love, Videl._

He laughed out loud. Brilliant move to send them to that deadly dull place.

Videl and he had come to an arrangement. As she was 17, he did not give her his consent to go to West Coast with Gohan, the most popular holiday destination in the country. Instead, they agreed that he would choose their destination, and what worse place was there to spend your holiday than in Saai Vallei?

He knew this. He chose this place on purpose. Because he wasn't crazy. He knew that they weren't as innocent as they appeared to be. Of course they thought of… that. Of course they had planned to do… that. One had to be utterly stupid if he couldn't see that. And it was bound to happen if they'd gone to West Coast. West Coast was the capital of sex. Of parties. Of alcohol. Of half-nude bodies in bathing suits. And under all those influences, his little girl would lose her virginity faster than she could say 'sex'.

And in Saai Valley, those influences were all absent. The sex-climate wasn't there. His daughter would leave home a virgin and return home a virgin.

Hercule took his glass with red wine.

"To Saai Vallei." He muttered contently. A brilliant move indeed.

What he didn't know is that his little girl and her boyfriend never left their hotel room the entire week.

* * *


End file.
